On this wonderfully lazy Sunday, filled with my small traditional church, a fun hairstyle, a bike ride, coffeecoffeecoffee, and quality time with my dog, I've come to this conclusion that I'd like to share:
I don't ever want to be in a place in my life where I don't make/take time to talk to God to process things. There have been multiple times in my life - some serious, some dumb - where I didn't take the time to step outside of the business, of life, of myself, to talk things out and process them and dwell on them with my Father. And guess where that got me? Got me nowhere REAL fast.
Last night would be a good example of what I'm talking about. I went to a frat formal with a good friend and call me homeschooled, call me awkward, call me whatever you want, but the party scene that consists of drinking and grinding and short dresses and getting hands-y and just being stupid is reeeeally not my thing. So, in that situation, if I appear out of place and unsure of what to do, that's exactly what I am! On the way home, I had to turn the radio off and just sit in silence awhile before I could process any of it. God and I had a nice chat about it; for one (I don't know about you), but saying things out loud/talking it out really helps me realize things or I think while I'm talking and such things like that. For two, getting the privilege to talk to the One of made me and who has control over everything and desires a relationship with me as much as I desire one with Him, freakin' overwhelms me! Knowing that my confusing and screwed up and minuscule emotions are being listened to and being returned with comfort and patience and peace just brings a smile o my face and rocks my world!
So between last night's ride home and today's quality time with my dog and the outside, I had me some good process time; not just about last night but about a lot of things that have happened over this past year that I haven't sat down and thought about/talked out/reacted to. Definitely a good thing. Definitely something that needs to happen waaaay more often. Definitely something needed.
Peace out.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
He doesn't see what you see
Whoa. These past 2 weeks have been chocked full of life and God... more so than usual haha
Lemme tell you about them =)
This past weekend I traveled down to dear Clinton, to see some dear friends and to see my dearly beloved choir, Singers, perform their last concert of the year. It kind of blew my mind to think that this school year has gone by already... it didn't fly but at the same time it kinda did. I stayed with a good friend by the name of Sarah Kate who just so happens to be my future roommate (YAY!) and got to hang out with a lot of people I haven't seen in awhile! Another plus was that I didn't tell many people I was coming down this past weekend so I got to surprise people :D
I did do one thing that weekend that I never thought I'd do: I climbed the mill in downtown Clinton; didn't even know people did that! I don't really know how high up I was but I do know that it took my spit a looooong time to get from my mouth to the ground hahaha
One thing I realized/felt/knew as I was down there was the surpassable peace I was feeling - the feeling of rest. I can't tell you how long I've been needing and craving to feel that. Another thing that was brought to my attention was the fact that I definitely have my work cut out for me there. While going to another college would be a fresh start, I believe God brought MC back into the picture as a way to be a living testimony. God told me that MC was my mission field, my place to be, to thrive, to show all of Him and not me. That will require work, being set solidly and emotionally in the Lord, and there will be bad days, oh there will be bad days
BUT
He's got this! What I consider "the best" for me is my point of view. Not His point of view on what's best for me. That lesson has come into play major lately: Wanting to fix problems, deal with people who bother me, know what to do about frustrating circumstances, how to handle confusion when it comes to my heart, God has been CONTINUALLY saying, "Kendall! Quit looking at what YOU think is best! I know what's best for you so SHUTUP!" Maybe not quite like that, but pretty close :)
Yeah, I don't know how this next school year is going to go, what all I'm going to run into this time around, or even how the summer is gonna go, but I'm not really worried about it. I know for a fact that God is using and is going to use me and I'm just resting in that =)
Lemme tell you about them =)
This past weekend I traveled down to dear Clinton, to see some dear friends and to see my dearly beloved choir, Singers, perform their last concert of the year. It kind of blew my mind to think that this school year has gone by already... it didn't fly but at the same time it kinda did. I stayed with a good friend by the name of Sarah Kate who just so happens to be my future roommate (YAY!) and got to hang out with a lot of people I haven't seen in awhile! Another plus was that I didn't tell many people I was coming down this past weekend so I got to surprise people :D
I did do one thing that weekend that I never thought I'd do: I climbed the mill in downtown Clinton; didn't even know people did that! I don't really know how high up I was but I do know that it took my spit a looooong time to get from my mouth to the ground hahaha
One thing I realized/felt/knew as I was down there was the surpassable peace I was feeling - the feeling of rest. I can't tell you how long I've been needing and craving to feel that. Another thing that was brought to my attention was the fact that I definitely have my work cut out for me there. While going to another college would be a fresh start, I believe God brought MC back into the picture as a way to be a living testimony. God told me that MC was my mission field, my place to be, to thrive, to show all of Him and not me. That will require work, being set solidly and emotionally in the Lord, and there will be bad days, oh there will be bad days
BUT
He's got this! What I consider "the best" for me is my point of view. Not His point of view on what's best for me. That lesson has come into play major lately: Wanting to fix problems, deal with people who bother me, know what to do about frustrating circumstances, how to handle confusion when it comes to my heart, God has been CONTINUALLY saying, "Kendall! Quit looking at what YOU think is best! I know what's best for you so SHUTUP!" Maybe not quite like that, but pretty close :)
Yeah, I don't know how this next school year is going to go, what all I'm going to run into this time around, or even how the summer is gonna go, but I'm not really worried about it. I know for a fact that God is using and is going to use me and I'm just resting in that =)
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April Fools!
And surprisingly enough, there have been no pranks or any foolery going on around me all day. Hosanna. Oh, it's also Palm Sunday =D (I celebrated by sticking a palm branch in my back windshield wiper -hosanna in the back!)
What has been on my mind lately, and most vividly today, is love.
Do you remember what it was like falling in love? Or thinking you were falling in love? Or seeing love on movies and wanting it so bad it almost hurt?
Do you remember the excitement of somebody new in your life who says and does all the right things, that make all your insides go haywire? And you can't help but think that the end goal, the end thing, is falling hopelessly head-over-heels in love?
I LOVE those feelings! Cause I'm a girl and because God designed all of us for relationships! But one thing that struck me pretty hard today was the saying, "Remember your first love." In reference to Jesus.
I can tell you exactly how I felt the first time a guy told me he loved me: the roller coaster feeling in my stomach, fighting to breathe normally, my palms sweating, getting dizzy and light-headed, and just giddy. But thinking about the fact that from the very first time I heard about Jesus, it was that He loved me. Then growing up and developing a relationship with Him, I discovered His love on an even deeper level and it became more real to me through various experiences. I put Him in the place of a best friend when I didn't have one, and I put Him in the place of my romance when action with guys was lacking.
But I can honestly say that I've never had the physical rush of whatever when I hear that Jesus loves me. It's always with guys, always with my kids at work, always with my close friends; always with something irrelevant compared to Him, especially in the long run.
I don't like that at all!
I want to go back to my first love, NOT because I loved it first, but because He first loved ME. Not because when I was ready I wanted to give Him my life and my all, but because He had already given His life, His all, His everything to me and it was because of nothing I did but because He loved me.
I want to live with that rush; that thrill and excitement and love look that comes from long term marriages or new couples. I want to be so caught up and distracted in that fact - that solid fact - that nothing can wipe the smile off my face, the spring in my step, or the giddy-ness in my smile.
I want to go to my first love.
What has been on my mind lately, and most vividly today, is love.
Do you remember what it was like falling in love? Or thinking you were falling in love? Or seeing love on movies and wanting it so bad it almost hurt?
Do you remember the excitement of somebody new in your life who says and does all the right things, that make all your insides go haywire? And you can't help but think that the end goal, the end thing, is falling hopelessly head-over-heels in love?
I LOVE those feelings! Cause I'm a girl and because God designed all of us for relationships! But one thing that struck me pretty hard today was the saying, "Remember your first love." In reference to Jesus.
I can tell you exactly how I felt the first time a guy told me he loved me: the roller coaster feeling in my stomach, fighting to breathe normally, my palms sweating, getting dizzy and light-headed, and just giddy. But thinking about the fact that from the very first time I heard about Jesus, it was that He loved me. Then growing up and developing a relationship with Him, I discovered His love on an even deeper level and it became more real to me through various experiences. I put Him in the place of a best friend when I didn't have one, and I put Him in the place of my romance when action with guys was lacking.
But I can honestly say that I've never had the physical rush of whatever when I hear that Jesus loves me. It's always with guys, always with my kids at work, always with my close friends; always with something irrelevant compared to Him, especially in the long run.
I don't like that at all!
I want to go back to my first love, NOT because I loved it first, but because He first loved ME. Not because when I was ready I wanted to give Him my life and my all, but because He had already given His life, His all, His everything to me and it was because of nothing I did but because He loved me.
I want to live with that rush; that thrill and excitement and love look that comes from long term marriages or new couples. I want to be so caught up and distracted in that fact - that solid fact - that nothing can wipe the smile off my face, the spring in my step, or the giddy-ness in my smile.
I want to go to my first love.
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