Yes, today was that one day that we are excited for all the other 364 days of the year haha :P And to be honest, this was probably the first year where I didn't feel in the least bit "Scrooge-y" at all!
But now that Christmas is over, NO MORE SECRET KEEPING!!! Haha my big brother and I have been planning on buying our parents cruise ship tickets since October, and I can't believe out of all 10 of us kids, we made it this far without letting it slip! Success! Although my parents didn't believe us at first, at all (they thought we were playing a mean joke on them. Thanks.), and then it hit them that we were actually being serious and now we're just waiting for the reality to set in. Goodness, my parents.
One thing I do love about Christmas though, and birthdays, is getting those someones presents! Getting to roam through stores and the mall and random shops until you find something that is so beyond perfect, wrapping it, and then seeing their face when they open it. I love that feeling almost more than bacon... and that's a lot.
On a completely different note, and on something I wouldn't normally write about, ever, I just wanted to voice/think out loud about something. My cousin and I were talking tonight about how being in college for over a year has really changed our mindsets on a lot of things and one of the huge things for her was virginity. She said that out of her group of friends at school, she was the only one who hadn't lost it yet. Maybe it's from being at MC or maybe just being close to people who have the same viewpoints as I do, but I've never viewed that as something I was ready and/or willing to give away if and when all my friends started to. In my opinion, there's only one occasion you should give that away, and it's on your wedding night! God gave it to us to give to one person under the law of marriage, not in a dorm room, not with someone you'll never see again, and not to just do it. I was struggling to see it like she did; as something to give up; to get out of the way, strictly because you're in college and it's what everybody's doing and all your friends have been doing it or have recently done it.
No thanks, I'm holding onto that one for a loooooong time.
Anyway, a little out of the norm of something for me to write about, but I felt I should.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
better run, better run
Why is it, that in all of my unimportant and/or retarded life situations that I go through, I feel like I can (and am) the more mature one, the bigger person, or the one who's got their head on straight? BUT when it comes to all the important, life changing situations and decisions and things, I am pretty much 100% immature and childish and unprepared?
It's like I know what I'm supposed to do and say and act and react in every other circumstance but when the time comes and it really and truly matter, I just blow it.
Does that ever happen to you? It does for me.
Is this what I need to master to grow up? Or will I always ALWAYS have this problem? (If I do, gosh, I'll shoot myself).
Just a thought... written down.
It's like I know what I'm supposed to do and say and act and react in every other circumstance but when the time comes and it really and truly matter, I just blow it.
Does that ever happen to you? It does for me.
Is this what I need to master to grow up? Or will I always ALWAYS have this problem? (If I do, gosh, I'll shoot myself).
Just a thought... written down.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
All of ME.
As another meltdown from life hit me this week (yes, they're coming often now. Well, this week they are.), and as I found myself (yet again) out on my road in the middle of my neighborhood in the darkness looking up to the cloudy night sky, ALL that came to mind were these things:
That God is still God and He is still good.
That I'll praise Him in this storm and I will lift my hands, cause He is who He is no matter where I am.
And that He's gonna have all of me. He's worth every (single, multiple, stupid, and important) tear, He's worth facing every (itty-bitty, life-threatning, only-important-to-me, important-to-the-world) fear. He's gonna have all my love even if it's not enough. I don't know what to do or where to go, but giving Him all of me is where I'll start.
My hope can only be in Him and Him alone, because as I've seen time and time again, the things I put my hope in fail me every single time. And I end up sitting in the road, crying and praying and asking God to make it not hurt anymore. Tonight, though, God said, "Okay Kendall, I think you've run out of things to hope in now. Are you ready to finally put your hope and all your hope in Me?"
Hit me like a bag of bricks, that's for sure.
But I am ready.
That God is still God and He is still good.
That I'll praise Him in this storm and I will lift my hands, cause He is who He is no matter where I am.
And that He's gonna have all of me. He's worth every (single, multiple, stupid, and important) tear, He's worth facing every (itty-bitty, life-threatning, only-important-to-me, important-to-the-world) fear. He's gonna have all my love even if it's not enough. I don't know what to do or where to go, but giving Him all of me is where I'll start.
My hope can only be in Him and Him alone, because as I've seen time and time again, the things I put my hope in fail me every single time. And I end up sitting in the road, crying and praying and asking God to make it not hurt anymore. Tonight, though, God said, "Okay Kendall, I think you've run out of things to hope in now. Are you ready to finally put your hope and all your hope in Me?"
Hit me like a bag of bricks, that's for sure.
But I am ready.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
my week
Whoa, this past week has been so chocked full of experiences and emotions and settings I never thought I'd be in. Now I'm going to walk you through them :)
This past weekend was spent in my hearttown, Clinton, MS. Where on this weekend I was able to be reunited with people that I loved, I got to see an amazing choir perform and cry my eyes out knowing that I got to be a part of it last year. I visited my beloved practice room, 315, and found after all this time of not playing piano that when finally left to myself and my own practice room, I couldn't play a thing. And I was very okay with it. I got to cry tears of happiness from spending time with a group of girls very near and dear to my heart. I got to have pink lemonade juice popper things in my ice cream at Yogn Frut! And as much as I hate the caf food, I got to eat 2 meals in there and see people I've been missing for the past 2 months. I also got to share my heart with the dear friend I rode down there and back up with; something I haven't truly done in awhile.
One thing I felt while down there, is that God withheld all my feelings and emotions of heartache and longing to be back there and replaced them with peace. Now I don't know if that means I'm supposed to go somewhere else in the fall, but if it does, then He made it easier on me by so much. One thing my dad told me today was that it wasn't about praying to God for a decision, it was about praying that my thoughts and decision lined up with His exactly, and everything else would fall into place.
Another thing that came into realization last weekend, was that I have a lot of girls very near and dear to my heart. A group of girls that I can be completely real with, cry with, laugh with, and have closeness with for the rest of my life. That's something I've really been yearning for lately and God reminded me so fully that I couldn't hardly express to them what they meant to me!
And the last thing that was learned this weekend was that as much as I said my heart was fine, it wasn't. There is still a huge attachment down at MC and I can't do anything about it. I just gotta keep praying that God does what He does best and everything I do should be done with the one intention to glorify Him.
Work this week has been hectic; getting all things Christmas mostly out of the way because one of our main co-workers is leaving town today and isn't returning until the 27th! (Now I just have to find her the perfect Christmas present...). But Tuesday was a day that will be remembered QUITE vividly. I had eaten breakfast but not lunch yet, though I had snacked on a few tater tots and hotdogs, I had a pain in my back that was killing me and the only pain reliever we had at work was ibuprofen. Now, one thing my mom has always told me in regards to taking ibuprofen was to never take it on an empty stomach. I was almost on my lunch break and had snacked a bit, so I figured I'd be okay for a little while at least.
Ha.
After about 35 minutes of waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in but getting nothing but a headache and intense stomach pain, I decided to go to the kitchen and make me some soup. As soon as I stood up and started walking I was hit with nausea so hard that I ran to the bathroom and could only sit there with my hands in my face leaning over the toilet. I asked my boss to bring me the bottle of ibuprofen and I started scanning frantically for any possible side effects that came with taking these pills without eating. Couldn't find squat. At this point in time, my headache was splitting, I was shivering, and was having aches in my arms and legs, and the level of pain in my stomach was unbearable. I called my mom and told her what was going on and she said she'd call me back after she Googled it. At this point in time my boss and a few other workers had taken notice that I was NOT okay, so they started researching too. I was now super pale and was shaking uncontrollably. My mom called me back, told me ibuprofen and zoloft were not supposed to be taken together (?!?) and told me she was on her way to come get me and take me to the hospital.
FREAK OUT.
5 minutes later I asked my boss to drive me to St. Francis because I couldn't take much more of what was happening to me. It was getting hard to breathe normally, my heart was racing, and I literally felt like I was going to implode any second.
We got to the hospital and my mom arrived about 10 minutes later, they got my information, checked my vitals, and got my into my hallway (all the rooms were full) and onto my own stretcher. I had calmed down a bit but was still freaking out. The doctor came by, asked what had happened, I told him everything, and that's when my treatment stuff started. Blegh. My nice nurse got my IV hooked up, lots of blood drawn, and injected 3 things into my little tube. 2 muscle relaxers and something else that I can't remember. She also gave me something to drink that had 3 other drugs in it to calm my stomach down and to numb it completely, so of course drinking that made my whole throat down completely numb. Trippy. She then started sticking these little sticker things on me and I later was told it was an EKG thing. Whoop whoop! Everything was fine with my heart and my blood work though, so then they rolled my stretcher to the x-ray room and x-rayed my chest. Which, the x-ray guy told me I had long lungs. I don't know if that was a compliment, if it was unusual, or if he was merely stating a fact.They finally sent me home after 5 or so hours with some relaxer meds and drugs for the acidic level in my stomach to be on for about a week or two.
Gosh, that shook me up pretty bad. I still have a nice bruise where my IV was, my arm is still sore from it, and I still have sticky residue from all my EKG stickers and my IV tape. Any suggestion as to how to get it off already?!
Anyway, I didn't go to work the next day until noon, which I hardly did anything so it was a rather relaxing day.
Thursday was a long day, with a retarded boy story, ask me about it. Then after work, the best friend and I went to the SCT dress rehearsal! One bad thing about Tree alumni though, we kinda bad mouthed it.... a lot. Not a great idea when you're sitting right behind the director and producer and orchestra and script writer. Yikes.
My Friday was also a long day, but it was a very good day. I dressed down, way down, for work (because I can do that) and was rockin' some LT sweatpants with a hoodie =D I brought a cute outfit for our work Christmas party afterwards though, which was a BLAST! I absolutely love my coworkers and their hearts and their humor. I really am lucky to have that job, with so many people who care about their fellow workers and what we're teaching the kids and who all share the same beliefs.
I played the mom-card again when I had to go pick up the younger sisters from Tree afterwards, which was fine with me, I play that card way too often anyway so I don't mind it too much.
Today was WONDERFUL strictly because I slept till 1pm, and have done nothing but sit on the couch watching tv, doing laundry, and cleaning my room (which I don't mind at all, don't judge). Still haven't showered and I feel great hehehe ;)
Now I'm about to head to friends of the family's house for dinner and will then return home and crash, because a day of doing nothing can really wear you out!
Thank you for listening about my week, hope yours has been just as eventful!
I'm also incredibly thankful at this point in time that I'm not in school worrying and stressing about exams. =)
This past weekend was spent in my hearttown, Clinton, MS. Where on this weekend I was able to be reunited with people that I loved, I got to see an amazing choir perform and cry my eyes out knowing that I got to be a part of it last year. I visited my beloved practice room, 315, and found after all this time of not playing piano that when finally left to myself and my own practice room, I couldn't play a thing. And I was very okay with it. I got to cry tears of happiness from spending time with a group of girls very near and dear to my heart. I got to have pink lemonade juice popper things in my ice cream at Yogn Frut! And as much as I hate the caf food, I got to eat 2 meals in there and see people I've been missing for the past 2 months. I also got to share my heart with the dear friend I rode down there and back up with; something I haven't truly done in awhile.
One thing I felt while down there, is that God withheld all my feelings and emotions of heartache and longing to be back there and replaced them with peace. Now I don't know if that means I'm supposed to go somewhere else in the fall, but if it does, then He made it easier on me by so much. One thing my dad told me today was that it wasn't about praying to God for a decision, it was about praying that my thoughts and decision lined up with His exactly, and everything else would fall into place.
Another thing that came into realization last weekend, was that I have a lot of girls very near and dear to my heart. A group of girls that I can be completely real with, cry with, laugh with, and have closeness with for the rest of my life. That's something I've really been yearning for lately and God reminded me so fully that I couldn't hardly express to them what they meant to me!
And the last thing that was learned this weekend was that as much as I said my heart was fine, it wasn't. There is still a huge attachment down at MC and I can't do anything about it. I just gotta keep praying that God does what He does best and everything I do should be done with the one intention to glorify Him.
Work this week has been hectic; getting all things Christmas mostly out of the way because one of our main co-workers is leaving town today and isn't returning until the 27th! (Now I just have to find her the perfect Christmas present...). But Tuesday was a day that will be remembered QUITE vividly. I had eaten breakfast but not lunch yet, though I had snacked on a few tater tots and hotdogs, I had a pain in my back that was killing me and the only pain reliever we had at work was ibuprofen. Now, one thing my mom has always told me in regards to taking ibuprofen was to never take it on an empty stomach. I was almost on my lunch break and had snacked a bit, so I figured I'd be okay for a little while at least.
Ha.
After about 35 minutes of waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in but getting nothing but a headache and intense stomach pain, I decided to go to the kitchen and make me some soup. As soon as I stood up and started walking I was hit with nausea so hard that I ran to the bathroom and could only sit there with my hands in my face leaning over the toilet. I asked my boss to bring me the bottle of ibuprofen and I started scanning frantically for any possible side effects that came with taking these pills without eating. Couldn't find squat. At this point in time, my headache was splitting, I was shivering, and was having aches in my arms and legs, and the level of pain in my stomach was unbearable. I called my mom and told her what was going on and she said she'd call me back after she Googled it. At this point in time my boss and a few other workers had taken notice that I was NOT okay, so they started researching too. I was now super pale and was shaking uncontrollably. My mom called me back, told me ibuprofen and zoloft were not supposed to be taken together (?!?) and told me she was on her way to come get me and take me to the hospital.
FREAK OUT.
5 minutes later I asked my boss to drive me to St. Francis because I couldn't take much more of what was happening to me. It was getting hard to breathe normally, my heart was racing, and I literally felt like I was going to implode any second.
We got to the hospital and my mom arrived about 10 minutes later, they got my information, checked my vitals, and got my into my hallway (all the rooms were full) and onto my own stretcher. I had calmed down a bit but was still freaking out. The doctor came by, asked what had happened, I told him everything, and that's when my treatment stuff started. Blegh. My nice nurse got my IV hooked up, lots of blood drawn, and injected 3 things into my little tube. 2 muscle relaxers and something else that I can't remember. She also gave me something to drink that had 3 other drugs in it to calm my stomach down and to numb it completely, so of course drinking that made my whole throat down completely numb. Trippy. She then started sticking these little sticker things on me and I later was told it was an EKG thing. Whoop whoop! Everything was fine with my heart and my blood work though, so then they rolled my stretcher to the x-ray room and x-rayed my chest. Which, the x-ray guy told me I had long lungs. I don't know if that was a compliment, if it was unusual, or if he was merely stating a fact.They finally sent me home after 5 or so hours with some relaxer meds and drugs for the acidic level in my stomach to be on for about a week or two.
Gosh, that shook me up pretty bad. I still have a nice bruise where my IV was, my arm is still sore from it, and I still have sticky residue from all my EKG stickers and my IV tape. Any suggestion as to how to get it off already?!
Anyway, I didn't go to work the next day until noon, which I hardly did anything so it was a rather relaxing day.
Thursday was a long day, with a retarded boy story, ask me about it. Then after work, the best friend and I went to the SCT dress rehearsal! One bad thing about Tree alumni though, we kinda bad mouthed it.... a lot. Not a great idea when you're sitting right behind the director and producer and orchestra and script writer. Yikes.
My Friday was also a long day, but it was a very good day. I dressed down, way down, for work (because I can do that) and was rockin' some LT sweatpants with a hoodie =D I brought a cute outfit for our work Christmas party afterwards though, which was a BLAST! I absolutely love my coworkers and their hearts and their humor. I really am lucky to have that job, with so many people who care about their fellow workers and what we're teaching the kids and who all share the same beliefs.
I played the mom-card again when I had to go pick up the younger sisters from Tree afterwards, which was fine with me, I play that card way too often anyway so I don't mind it too much.
Today was WONDERFUL strictly because I slept till 1pm, and have done nothing but sit on the couch watching tv, doing laundry, and cleaning my room (which I don't mind at all, don't judge). Still haven't showered and I feel great hehehe ;)
Now I'm about to head to friends of the family's house for dinner and will then return home and crash, because a day of doing nothing can really wear you out!
Thank you for listening about my week, hope yours has been just as eventful!
I'm also incredibly thankful at this point in time that I'm not in school worrying and stressing about exams. =)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
25 days till Christmas!
Yes, as the title of this posts reads, today begins the countdown until Christmas. For a person who is never into the Christmas spirit until Christmas Eve, I consider this a huge success.
Work has been getting a lot better, probably because we're constantly making Christmas-y things and decorating and just being busy with all of the holidays happening but I don't mind. I like being busy. It gets my mind off of a million zillion things AND it makes me feel useful :)
::BIG NEWS::
Tomorrow, at precisely 430pm, a friend and I will be departing from here and headed to (da dadaaaaa) Mississippi College! It's going to be a crazy/hectic/exciting/anxious/terrifying/much needed/emotional/heart exploding kind of thing... but I think I'm ready for it.
I left 2 months ago, so I've been home about as long as I was home this summer. Things are different now, oh so different, and I'm not sure if it's all different in a good or bad way or in a way at all. Just different. But I will get to see the people who have made my life bearable over these past 2 months, the people who have loved and still love me regardless of everything, and most importantly I'll get to see the choir, my choir, MC Singers, at their finest, in the Festival of Lights program. I've kind of put off thinking about this weekend until today because I knew I would explode if I did. I don't think it hit me until tonight when I was driving home from Erin's.
I'M SO EXCITED!!!
I just gotta work 5 hours tomorrow, come home, shower and pack, and then I'm off! Wish me luck! I'll be posting soon!
Work has been getting a lot better, probably because we're constantly making Christmas-y things and decorating and just being busy with all of the holidays happening but I don't mind. I like being busy. It gets my mind off of a million zillion things AND it makes me feel useful :)
::BIG NEWS::
Tomorrow, at precisely 430pm, a friend and I will be departing from here and headed to (da dadaaaaa) Mississippi College! It's going to be a crazy/hectic/exciting/anxious/terrifying/much needed/emotional/heart exploding kind of thing... but I think I'm ready for it.
I left 2 months ago, so I've been home about as long as I was home this summer. Things are different now, oh so different, and I'm not sure if it's all different in a good or bad way or in a way at all. Just different. But I will get to see the people who have made my life bearable over these past 2 months, the people who have loved and still love me regardless of everything, and most importantly I'll get to see the choir, my choir, MC Singers, at their finest, in the Festival of Lights program. I've kind of put off thinking about this weekend until today because I knew I would explode if I did. I don't think it hit me until tonight when I was driving home from Erin's.
I'M SO EXCITED!!!
I just gotta work 5 hours tomorrow, come home, shower and pack, and then I'm off! Wish me luck! I'll be posting soon!
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