Rough.

Alabama is tough. And maybe I haven't been here long enough to proclaim that statement yet, but I've been here for a good chunk of time... a good chunk enough to say that it's a little rough for me. Let me fully define rough for you as I'm blogging it to be:

Rough. Verb. Adjective. (ruf).
A state of being that I find myself in from knowing nothing and no one around me. Not knowing where a grocery store is nearest to me. Not having any close girl friends, or girl friends at all, in my work/life environment. Watching my brother with friends from school and Justin make new friends easily while I'm with (stuck as I sometimes feel) kindergartners. Having the one person I actually know in Birmingham be in a different country this summer. Being 4 hours and 10 minutes away from my family and from Tennessee. Being sick with a COLD in the SUMMER, that's just awful! Having alone time that only happens when I get finished with a 9 hour work day (8-5) and the 4 kids at home have been put to bed (around 8:30-9)... So 12 hours, for sleeping and bathing and eating my own meals and napping and blogging and vegging and just being quiet. Having to have my personality out and pleasurable 12-14 hours of the day. Being only 5 minutes from my work, resulting in hardly a jam sesh in the car. NOT being from Birmingham, therefore NOT being able to catch up on my past school year with all the peeps I grew up with. Having a solid comfort be out of reach physically and sometimes internationally (when the wifi janks you).
I don't think I realized all of those things until Sunday night.. I had spent the night at Jordan's house and I went upstairs to pack my bags to return to my host home and the silence.... gosh the silence just overwhelmed me. I lost it and fell on the bed crying; it all kinda hit me at once. At this point, having been out of the house for awhile, school being done, and now living in a host home, I don't really have a familiar place to call home. At least it doesn't feel like it.

While this is uncomfortable, and frustrating, and overwhelming, and draining, goodness gracious it makes me cling to my Daddy so much more like a child than an adult. Which, in the Bible, childlike faith and belief are heavily advised, right? Right. Not that I've grown out of my dependency on God and am having to learn what it's like again, it's a prayer for strength but a different kind than I've needed before. But wonder of wonder and miracle or miracles, the verses I was reading in Psalms and Isaiah today talked about nothing but strength from God; and those basically just washed over me like a hot shower after getting rained on.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always."
Psalm 105:4


Ahh. This is totally doable.