the downfall of us all

Here's one of the problems I have: I am a people pleaser. Yeah, that's right. Kendall Elaine is a people pleaser. I have the hardest time in the WORLD saying "no" to people, even if their requests are outrageous or unrealistic or inconvenient, something inside if me still bubbles up within me and comes out of my mouth as the word, "yes".
Does that bother me? All the freakin time! Do I say anything about it? Heavens no. Do I do anything to fix it? Again, no.
That, my dear reader, is the problem.
How do I find the line between saying agreeing to/with something and bending over backwards and complicating my whole life?
My dad was talking to me about it tonight and said I needed to draw lines and keep them there, not to erase them and draw them somewhere else! My argument was that I have lines to a certain extent, and throughout experiences and trials and tribulations, I'll be able to draw more definite and final lines. This theory doesn't work for every life situation, nor would I apply it to every life situation, but I think it could work for some situations, you know?
Another argument I had was, this girl has the spiritual gift of mercy. Neither of my parents do. So it presents a difficult encounter when I can't make them see why I'm doing something for someone, or I'm going out of my way, or I'm bending over backwards. The only side they seem to come from is the concerned parent side that says that I'm wearing myself thin and not speaking out and letting other people control me.
All of this could be a little bit of everything, I honestly don't know. I think I need to research the gift of mercy a bit more, just for safety.
Anywho, that's what I've been chewing on tonight.
I also hacked up some pumpkins with a baseball bat today. My new favorite thing to do :)

turkey and gravy, hehe

Hello blog world,
I'm going to make you a list of things I'm thankful for, simply because I need something to fill this post up, and because I want you to know:

- a big family
- loud music
- food, lots of food
- forgiveness
- brown hair
- having the Lord of Lords holding my hand :)
- friends that are just like me
- friends that are completely opposite to me
- having a family that both halves (Mom's side and Dad's side) differ from each other 100%
- my future husband
- trees
- God's planning, timing, and control and not mine
- a car
- a good job (where I still get paid on days when it's closed, like Christmas and Thanksgiving)
- nail clippers, tweezers, razorblades and retainers
- USB cords
- the sun, moon, and stars
- hearts
- little brothers and little sisters... and a big brother
- parents who are (even though sometimes they really aren't) some of the best parents in the world
- true friends
- cute clothes
- blue jeans
- PAJAMA PANTS
- earrings
- makeup, especially mascara, especially waterproof mascara
- cheese
- cameras with which to take cute pictures
- pianos and piano playing
- couches
- (and my new addiction) coffee
- lamps
- a voice to sing with
- TOMS
- online shopping
- cozy blankets and hoodies
- fellowship with fellow believers
- being intimate with my Jesus
- sarcasm
- puzzles. just kidding. I hate those.
- treseme hairspray
- cows
- silence
- lap sitting
- pets, like my puppy dogs
- musicals
- good tv (that's an oxymoron). good tv shows.
- mercy
- good kids that I babysit
- music majors
- christmas lights
- being home schooled
- ability to read, and to read fast
- popcorn
- trident gum
- disney movies
- red hair (even though I don't have it.)
- pearls
- second families and homes
- lobsters, snow tigers, and platypus
- sweet tea
- dark meat turkey

And I think that's about all for tonight :)
One other thing I wanted to say... tell... write... whatever, is just what being thankful means to me. I think being thankful for something is developing an appreciation for something, whether it be from birth or something you've been told all your life and then coming to appreciate it for what it's truly worth to you personally by losing it and having it come back to you; realizing that you can live without it, but it's miserable. Without it, everything seems strange and out of place, and you're having to find replacements that just aren't making the cut. And then, when it comes back to you, you rejoice with open arms and take in what you've been missing with a whole new viewpoint; an appreciation so deep that it could have only been developed by the absence of what you're appreciating.
Anyway, that's what I like to think being thankful means. I also started that "100 days of gratitude" thing on twitter (you should follow me! (http://twitter.com/#!/KendallEAvery).
I hope you had an awesome Thanksgiving, mine definitely was fun.
Much love from this girl,
Kendall <3

i.love.scripture.

From my wonderful copy (from Sarah Benke) of Jesus Calling:

November 14th,
Bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved. Dare to see yourself as I see you; radiant in My righteousness, cleansed by My blood. I view you as the one I created you to be, the one you will be in actuality when heaven becomes your home. It is My Life within you that is changing you from glory to glory. Rejoice in this amazing gift of My Spirit in within you!
Try to depend on the help of the Spirit as you go through this day of life. Pause briefly from time to time so you can consult with this Holy One inside you. He will not force you to do His bidding, but He will guide you as you give Him space in your life. Walk along this wondrous way of collaboration with My Spirit.


Psalm 34:5 -- Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
2 Corinthians 5:21 -- God made him who had no sin to be sin for is, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.
2 Corinthians 3:18 -- And we, with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Galatians 5:25 -- Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.




I just love me some Jesus Calling!
On another note, I finally got over my stomach bug (that I've had since Tuesday night. It was the most violent stomach bug I've EVER had, never puked so hard in my life!) and went back to a full day of work today. Which wasn't too awful, it was "Thanksgiving Feast" day, so we all dressed like pilgrims and indians and all the teachers brought Thanksgiving food and we had tons and tons of food. I wasn't able to stomach as much as I thought I would, but I got down some turkey and green bean casserole, woot woot! (Love that stuff... the green bean stuff).
Me and the sisters were supposed to go and see Footloose tonight but we changed our minds and went to House Church instead. At first I wasn't really feeling it, but I'm so glad I went. I love the people there. They're not all my closest friends, but when we're all gathered there talking about Jesus and what He's doing in our lives and what we're individually going through, I really feel Him there... and I feel we are a strong body of believers. It kind of gives a new meaning to the term "brother/sister in Christ"; perfect strangers that you're spilling your guts and your life problems to and having them come pray with you = AMAZING.
During our worship time while we were listening to some good Jesus Culture music, I had the sudden urge to pick up my Bible and find every verse I could about freedom. So I started thumbing through my index and I found me a good deal of verses that just about split my face open from smiling so much. You see, I have this problem of feeling free; my chains being 100% gone; being totally forgiven; being out of sin completely. But these verses made me see differently, and you know what? I am free. I always have been. It's just having to get out of my trapped and sinful mindset to be able to see it! So here are some kick butt freedom verses I found:
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." - 2 Corinthians 3:17
"Therefore, there is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." - Romans 8:1-2
"He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free. He gives sight to the blind and lifts up those who are bowed down..." - Psalm 146:7-8
"You have been set free from sin and have becomes slaves to righteousness." - Romans 6:18

I just got superbly happy after I found those verses, and I'm still on a high from it! While I was reading in Romans, I found more and more good stuff, and I stumbled across a verse I had never read before (funny how that happens, huh?) and I liked it a lot and I'm going to share it because I think it's applicable to a good number of situations/circumstances. Here 'tis:

"...But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."
- Romans 8:24-25

I dug it. Oh yeah.
I'm hittin' the sack now, this girl has been up and running since 7am. Goodnight world :)

Truth

I can sing I can sing I can siiiiiiing again!
And I love it!!
I went to a concert tonight at Bellevue and a group called Truth was singing. I am a huge sucker for a cappella, contemporary, Christian music and I was dying to jump up on that stage and belt it out with them! Me and my girl, E, went back to her house and watched an old Bellevue Choir Tour to get all of our singing out of our systems (with peanut butter crackers and s'mores on the side hehe) and I just felt like I was FLYING on the inside!
I can't live without singing. I can't. I hate that I haven't been able to these past few weeks, but now that I can again, I can feel it coming from my soul and it feels genuine and it only makes me want to give God the glory and the honor that much more!!
On a side note, a lot of the singers in Truth had gone to the University of Mobile when they were in college. So, I looked it up and applied there. It looks like a great school, and it's a great possibility.
Lord, it's up to You here, not me. My plans suck.
Love you :)

the day after 11/11/11

Oh my goodness this past week at work has been 100% CRAZY! But State is now gone, even though they picked our room, and there will be no more stressing, no more extra toys, and no extra hand washing. Don't get me wrong, I applaud hand washing and think it should be used fluently in preschools especially when colds and viruses and stomach bugs are going around, but to wash the kids hands after they touch the floor, their face, anyone else in the classroom, the walls, the garbage can, after they play with toys, any part of the faces, their hair, before and after they eat, when their hands touch their mouths even WHEN they're eating, you spend all dagum day washing hands! So now guess who has raw knuckles and fingers because of washing hands so much? This girl. My hands hurt. =(
On other news, I got another Arkansas shirt today. Because I like Arkansas? No way (even though they won tonight 49-7 against UT Knox) but when I go to Erin's house and the game is on, the only way they'll let me eat anything is if I wear an Arkansas shirt! I was getting tired of my other one so I bought a new one! So I know own 2 Arkansas shirts and 2 Alabama shirts. It's really not helping support the fact that I don't like football. -sigh-
I've also been hanging with Erin a lot. Like I mean, do something with her almost every day after work a lot! I haven't gotten tired of it yet, and it's not completely awful haha :) I would consider her my best friend, yes. I tell her everything and she does vice versa. I'm not sure when I started doing that, but it just kind of happened. And it's so weird sometimes how alike we are, with the things we wear and our personalities and attitudes, even some of the things we go through! Love that girl to death. (Tonight we traded glasses too, whoohoo!)
The other day I realized I have been home more than I've been at school this year. Don't know how I feel about that. I really want to go down there at the beginning of December for Festival of Lights to see everybody. Not to go back to anything, but to see everything that has changed now and hug the life out of people who don't see anything differently! Like my LT family and Singers and people like that.

On a side note: I started a husband journal. If it sounds lame, whatever. If it sounds cool, high five.
My husband journal, an idea from an older gal pal of mine, is me just writing love letters to my future husband. And letting him know what I'm going through right now and where my heart is. It's strange when I realize what I'm doing while I'm writing but at the same time it's comforting to know that I'm writing to someone who later in life will help me through everything I'll be going through. I like to think that when I get married and I give him this book of letters/entries or whatever, he'll be able to feel like he was there for me through all of it and that he'll know me so much more.
I don't know, it makes me smile. It makes me pray for him even more. It makes my heart happy knowing that he's out there and that I'm going to meet him one day someday soon. =)

Lauren McCuistion

I'm waiting for the sun to rise again
I've got my ear up to the door where You aren't knocking
and all I've strength to do is run my fingers through my hair
and wait for the sun to rise again and stay there

All I ask is that You hold me
these nights when I get cold
in these seasons, cold winter seasons in my soul

School?

Too many school possibilities have been coming up... and I just don't want them to!
In Nashville, Chicago, Jackson, Clinton, it's too much. I don't want to think about any of it right now. I'm not ready.
And I'm really not ready to get back into my music yet; that's harder than it looks.
Another problem I have: pent up things. Like emotions and frustrations and things that people need to get out. Solution? Right now it's sushi from OEC but I can tell that won't work for long.
I should write a book.
Until I get that motivation, Lauren McCuistion and Laura Hackett will be my friends and accompany me some lovely melodies :)

Responsible Responsibilty

You know, I have this problem of wanting to fix things, especially when I'm the one messing them up. I have yet to learn the lesson of NOT being able to fix everything because I'm stubborn and refuse to believe that I can't fix everything.
But I think that lesson will be learned this time around... a lot of things are happening as a result of this past experience; a ripple effect I guess you could say. People are being effected and they're all handling it differently, and I have to realize that I, Kendall, cannot control people, people's emotions, situations, how people handle situations, God, and how God works through people's emotions handling all of these situations.
I would love to change everything. Yep, everything. But since I can't, I would just love to change and control the things I value most! Because the LAST thing I want is bitterness and rash decisions and hurt, tons and tons of hurt, and brokenness and animosity and frustration and spiritual confusion! I don't want any of that with anybody near me or around me or with anybody!
To say everybody I know is experiencing all of these things strictly because of me would be a bit far fetched... but as I was talking to a very dear friend of mine last night, one of the things she said was that different people handle things differently because it effected them all differently. And that my job was to NOT try and take control but trust God that He would control that and use it for His glory.
So in my eyes, things may not look okay with another person; their lives may change drastically; they might become completely different people; and it's all God's doing.

"For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28