looking inwards

For the past three and a half years, I have viewed my job as something that comes second; second to school, second to family and friends, second to life. When I came back home, I viewed my job as something that occupied almost my entire day and then I had nights and weekends to work on myself and my situation.
God showed me something quite different the other day.
I should be in counseling, I should be on depression medication, I should be struggling, I shouldn't be happy and joyful and hopeful, I should be scarred, I should be discontent with where I am.
But I'm not.
And until last week when God so generously pointed that out to me, I hadn't even noticed.
My three-year olds, the ones that I'm hangin' with 8+ hours a day, are doing the job; God is giving me everything I need in relation to every single one of my circumstances in the form of a toddler who call me "Miss Tendall" haha never in a million years did I see that coming!
I don't think I've ever had parents coming into my room asking who "Miss Kendall" was because their kid couldn't stop talking about her, or having any group of children love on me and hug me and kiss me and cuddle with me as much as I do these children! It's surreal!
When I wake up in the morning, sometimes I am SO miserable because I'm tired or because I feel sick or because it's 645am, but then I get to work and my kids drop what they're doing and run to hug my legs the second I walk in the door; and not just one of them either, all 19 of them!
The verse that talks about, and I'm paraphrasing, being able to forgive and being able to show love and compassion strictly because of the way God forgives us and the way He shows love and compassion to us really speaks volumes with my work world.
When I first got back, things were extremely difficult, especially with showing love and compassion and forgiveness, but never have I been able to show those attributes this much than I have this past fall and winter! And God gets all the glory for that one; and I don't doubt that He hasn't ever showed any of that to me, maybe it's just that I'm seeing it in a clearer way and that I"m experiencing it in ways that I never have before! Quite the thriller, lemme tell ya ;D


On a different note, this girl got accepted into Belmont University and the University of Mobile as of yesterday!!! Now I just have to get through the auditions, one next weekend and one in March, and I'm this much closer to knowing where I'm-where God wants to put me in the fall! I know it won't be for about another 6 months, but I'm so excited :) :) :)