hi, march

Gah, it's March already? Not that it's a bad thing the first 2 months of 2010 have flown by, it's just making sure I enjoy them while they're flying.
I write in an apathetic state of mind, not 100% sure of the reason why, but I just feel like complaining and whining sometimes. I really do. And a lot of times I feel like I'm not allowed to do that, because I have to be the good teacher, I have to be the good big sister, I have to be fun all the time for my friends and family, I've got to stay light-hearted and easy-going, I've got to have a smile on and my head up all the time...
it's freakin hard sometimes.
Especially when I'm impatient; especially when I'm wondering and waiting; especially when I'm tired; especially when I miss people; especially when I'm frustrated; especially when I feel like people only have me around/use me for a good laugh or advice they couldn't think of on their own; especially when so much is expected of this 19 year old who's still trying to figure out this life and God thing.
Gosh.
this is my rant, and now it's over.