Y'all. I'm really not a fan of the month September. And I don't even give it a chance sometimes, but Green Day never let me ;p
There are a few reasons I'm wanting this month to end already like that the homework load is already too heavy, fall is full swing in October (cardigans and scarves galore!) and because Monday night my Pop passed away and I'm ready to be out of the funk that I seem to be stuck in.
It was so strange.. My mom called my Monday afternoon and told me that he probably wasn't going to make it through the end of this week, next week tops, and that threw me enough. I was in Chrestman talking to Sarah Kate and I was walking out the door to head to the Healthplex when my dad called and told me. I had hit the red exit button and everything but couldn't move. Sarah Kate heard my reaction and left her post at the desk and walked around the corner to me. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and turned on tears that didn't stop at the same time. I really don't know why God put Sarah there right as that happened, but He must've known that I'd need a shoulder to cry on for the few seconds after I got the news. I left school Wednesday after Singers, had clothes and homework packed and all that jazz (it felt like almost a year ago I was doing the same thing.... berh.) and drove home with my little brother who had come and gotten me.
Yesterday was the funeral and my huge family on my Mom's side all came, including some close family and church friends of ours. It was so strange. No one in my family knew of a specific reaction to have so the mourning spectrum ranged from complete silence to uncontrollable sobbing. Death is new to all of us.. we've never had a loss in the family... and to see it affect everyone the way it did just weighs heavy.
Today, well, I haven't been able to quite figure out the silence that seems to be everywhere. I went running this morning, I've been tens of times to know all the sounds and sights, and yet they all sounded hollow and didn't seem as vibrant today. Everyone seems content to just sit and stare into silence. And when that doesn't work an argument of some sort breaks out and it provides more of an edge. #agitation
Death is a strange and not so foreign thing anymore. I've come to find that there's nothing inside of me that likes it and that my awareness level has risen tremendously.
Take, for example, a piece of music we're getting up to performance level in Singers. A Boy And A Girl by Eric Whitacre.
Stretched out on the grass, a boy and a girl
savoring their oranges
giving their kisses like waves exchanging foam
Stretched out on the beach, a boy and a girl
savoring their limes
giving their kisses like clouds exchanging foam
Stretched out underground, a boy and a girl
saying nothing
never kissing
giving silence for silence
Tuesday, the day after I found out about Pop and the day before I went home, we practiced this and singing a picture of love coming to death broke my heart. My tears were all over the floor and I couldn't finish the song.
I don't like it. But at the same time, today was better than yesterday. If every day continues to be a little better than the day before and as God continually reminds me of the strength He has already given me, this too shall pass.
No comments:
Post a Comment