Laughing Hurts

Today is (was) Tuesday. Tomorrow will be exactly a week since everything has happened. I think it's fair to say that this has been the longest week of my natural life. Now my excuse of being on fall break is used up, this is where more and more questions will come. Awesome.
Shane and Sarah Kate came in town this weekend and I got to hang out with them Sunday afternoon and Monday afternoon and night. That was so refreshing and much needed. To get hugs from people who do and don't know the situation and am poured into with love and Scripture always leaves me dumbstruck.
God, you amaze me.
Another thing. My heart is hardened. That's hard to write about. Especially when people read this and want to know I'm okay and all is well and God is taking care of everything. Well, I mean, He is, but right now my heart is so hard that I'm not letting Him. I'm reading Scripture and I'm reading great stuff, stuff I need to get me through all of this, and it's just not hitting home like it did this summer.
My parents are also being difficult in this situation. They don't know what they're doing or how to handle this, I don't know what to tell them to do or how to handle this because I don't know, so it's getting messy. They want more than anything for me to be okay already, and that's the one thing I'm not. So they cry, they make plans, they monitor things, they try and make me laugh, they give me what I want, they take it away, and they don't understand when I don't want to talk to them. Partially because I hardly know what to say -- my mind is racing constantly and it's close to impossible to formulate one thing into words -- and partially because I don't want them in my head. I feel like I have too many people in there already and I'm not even sure what all is going on in there.
I do know that I'm numb. Incredibly numb. Silence is doing more for me than music is, and when you're a music artist it scares the crap out of you.
I did spend time with a dear friend who graduated from MC and now lives in Memphis, Sarah Benke, and she sat and just listened today as I explained frustrations and complications and things like that. She went through a not-so-similar situation with her parents this past spring (and when I say not-so I mean not with my same circumstances but the way the parents acted were close to the same) and so she was saying that everything was going to be okay and that I was God's and not my parent's. I mean, I am my parents but doing God's will and doing what He wants is far far more important than anything my parents want. That was strange to think about, but I think it's true.
Talked to my Big today, she is wonderful that Bailey, talked to Graysen, talked to Ellie, talked to Helen, talked to Sarah Kate, talked to Dex, talked to Shane, and talked to Tiffany. People who know and people who don't know, and both won't quit loving on me and pouring into me and giving me Scripture and saying God has me here for a reason.
God, I don't deserve them, but thank you for giving them anyway.
I'm headed to Union tomorrow. No, not to look around and check out the school, to practice. To get by myself in a sound-proof room and either scream, cry, talk out loud, sing, play, dance, just sit, or all of the above. I kind of can't wait. Only downside? Leaving at 645 in the morning. Yeah. So on that note (which, we'll make that note a D flat), I'm going to head to bed. Couch. Whatever. Thanks for, well, I don't know.
Thanks :)